So I have a bone to pick with some folks. My disappointment – and yes in some cases anger – lies not in the choices you have made. It lies not in the fact, although I had originally hoped otherwise, that we would maintain the relationships we had created before any tensions might have been created. My issue is with your character, or particularly lack thereof. Why you would tell me one thing and then move in a completely different direction speaks to your inability to tell the truth and own your shit. I have no problem conceding that I have my faults and that I have done things at times that were less than reflective of the person that I try to be. That being said, one thing I can say with confidence: I own my shit, and I have made great efforts to provide a complete and fair picture of questionable or dicey situations when speaking to you. Some of you have even commented that my accounts, while perhaps at times more informative or blunt than necessary, are of a particular fairness and consistency. My intention was never to undermine your opinions of any other person involved in a given situation, or to raise myself above repute. Again, I own my shit. It has become quite clear to me, however, that there are others who are incapable of taking responsibility for themselves or their choices, so much so, as to lie to me and then lead me on until I have to realize for myself that this is their character. This has nothing to do with the players that I was involved with when speaking to you about the situation. This has to do with you and your deception and lack of character. I thought I had made it very clear that I was not trying to put you or anyone else in the middle of this, and that I gave you every opportunity to give me an honest answer about what choices you made – and yes I now realize you made them probably long before any lies that you told me. So you lied, or maybe changed your mind; I’m a big boy, I can handle something like that. Instead you backed yourself – and me – into a corner, building further stress and tension, that I had already given you the opportunity to avoid. You had your chance to tell me what you thought of me when I came to you and engaged you in a conversation about what was going on. The least you could have done was given me the respect of being honest with me. Again, unfortunately, this is about your character, which I now realize sucks ass. Bottom line: a lot of unnecessary energy for both of us could have been better utilized, instead of my trying to reach out and your having to make up petty excuses because you were not enough of a person to be honest on a number of occasions. Thank you for wasting my time, but at least now allowing me to carve a place in my life for people that want – and deserve – to be there.
This summer has not been an easy one, but nonetheless it is one that I am ever thankful for, and the results of it are anything but extraordinary: despite all of the bad, much has now come full circle again. I feel almost complete, but a hell of a lot more so than I did before it all began. I got rid of a lot of the bad things in my life this summer: people that were dragging me down and holding me back, vices that were making it impossible for me to feel like anything but a hypocrite and a joke to myself, and attitudes that were making it impossible for me to envision, let alone achieve the things that I wanted for myself. I have stared to put back into my life the things that really matter to me: I researched apartments for myself last week; I visited a skating rink and am looking for a place to get my blades sharpened; I went to Church for the first time in a LONG ass time.
There have been some really hard days, but there have been some incredible people who have helped me through them, and I will never be able to fully repay the efforts of these individuals to come close to all of the good that has come to me in literally just the last 24 hours. Aspire, my dream and my labor of love, will launch it’s first major philanthropic campaign in November with a huge event. We have a venue, we have supporters, we have a vision, and we have an incredible concept for not only the launch party of the Fairygodmother Project, but for the launch party as well. Today, after over three years of being unemployed, I was made an offer for a job working with the State, and working back in one of my most comfortable elements. This job will not only allow me to support myself, but I know it will keep me energized, and will allow and ignite a fire to continue my work with Aspire. Tonight, I was recognized as one of the 25 most influential young business professionals in Colorado: an honor which I am overwhelmed and astonished to have such esteemed company. At the event, I also received a cabled package worth over $2000 that will allow me, along with the new job, to get a new place that I truly WANT, rather than one that I can just afford. I also got a text that one such place, originally out of my price range (but not anymore), has just come available and I could move in as early as October 1.
I have said it before, I will say it again, and I hope that those who hear it will keep believing: KARMA NEVER NEEDS HELP. I know a lot of people who have had their own difficulties over this past spring and summer, and I have continued to say to them that we are good people; as long as we stick together, good things will happen for us, because we are good people and we deserve them. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so right about something, and just as long since I have felt so good about so many things.
For those who are starting to turn the corner, keep going. We all need to stick together to maintain this momentum. To those who are still struggling, I am sending my energy your way. I want to stick with all of you because 1) KARMA NEVER NEEDS HELP, and 2) WE ARE ALL GOOD PEOPLE, AND WE ALL NEED TO STICK TOGETHER: STICKING TOGETHER, GOOD THINGS WILL HAPEN FOR US BECAUSE WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND WE DESERVE IT.
Enough of me on my soapbox for tonight.