Smells Like Teen Spirit, or Why I Want a Car YESTERDAY

Ok so i am exaggerating a little bit…

But how stupid does it feel when your supervisor invites you to dinner, you think you have it all planned out, and then AFTER dinner, you realize you read the bus schedule wrong…?

This I now know…because I am a dork, and I did read the bus / light rail schedule wrong…thankfully I have a supervisor who is good natured and friendly, and who has allowed me to sleep on his couch. So here I am, almost 37, kind of feeling stupid that I am taking to the charity of a 25 year old…

At least he didn’t just tell me to find a way home, and at least my pride wasn’t so fragile that’s was afraid to admit I was a dork and pretend all was good…so I may be a little rough around the edges for work tomorrow…I’ve dealt with worse circumstances…and at least now I know that I am of course a valued member of the team since we had breakfast this morning for the second time, AND I had been invited to dinner tonight, and after being a total dork, he still (at least at this point) seems to look at me like I am generally a good guy…

Things could be a lot worse…

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Side by Side

Yes I am stealing from the great composer, Stephen Sondheim . But it goes without saying that I do have some really great friends…

One of those great friends got me out of the house, and got me to have a GREAT time at the casino, a place that I normally do not go to or particularly think of as a good time. The fact that I was up about $100 by the end of the night I am sure helped, but more important was the good company. It helped me realize how much I enjoy being social, and how little I have been social and about town, really for a number of years. Either I have not been a position to be social like I would like to be, or I have been in a relationship unhealthy enough on some level that I either didn’t want to (or perhaps was too ashamed to) be out for public consumption.

I think it is high time that I start returning to the type of me that I remember once made me so happy, and that incidentally led me to be in the company of the kind of people I wanted to have in my life. I would normally say that I am still right now not in a position to be going out on the town, but there is also a part of me that feels like a Wednesday night just might be a good night for a warm up, and there’s a new bar in town that I’ve heard good things about. There’s also that extra hundred bucks that I hadn’t planned for that I “earned” , not that I’ll spend it all in one place, and not that I’m sure there aren’t better places for me to be spending it, but I think at least a little bit of that money would be well spent on finding an old friend: me.

Working Weekend…

Can’t believe it will be Monday tomorrow, and it will all start again. There was no resting this weekend: helping a friend move int my little place and getting him settled on the futon / me settled with so much less space to move in…I worry if this will work should there be any need for a timeframe longer than a couple months, if that. I spent most of today feeling trapped in my room, trying not to wake him as I crept out to the hall to get some laundry done, and then when he did wake up, it was barely enough time for me to cook dinner and he was back to sleep. Watching tv or movies on my computer or iPad is just not the same when my 46″ flatscreen is on the other side if the wall in front of me. Even if it is mostly background noise while I am doing computer things or whatever, it seems so much less comforting when it’s coming from my laptop.

But it was a productive weekend, all things aside. My apartment is a lot cleaner, my laundry much closer to being clean and organized instead of piled at the foot of my bed. I have a full refrigerator, with things both prepared already and things that I can choose to prepare as the week goes on. I seem to feel like I have a purpose to my activities as I get ready to start the week, even if I have no sense of direction or where I should be trying to go…

There’s a part of me though that feels like just having the desire to do something is an improvement…