Boy do things suck, so let’s keep talking about just how badly…’cause that’s productive…?

I feel like I’m doing a lot of defending outside attacks on stuff lately, either my own or (and yes I am having this argument right now) making an attempt to defend public subsidies to PBS.  It’s making me really tired to feel like I have to keep doing this, and how much I hear about how everything is no longer a choice because no matter what, it’s just a choice between the “lesser of two evils”.  Pardon my profanity (well not really, when have I ever been politically correct), but BULLSHIT.

OK.  Some local PBS Affiliates do a really crappy job of contributing to their communities and use federal funds to broadcast a “liberal biased and ultimately unnecesary” set of shows.  GREAT.  Thanks.  You win.

OK.  So you don’t agree with Mitt Romney‘s views on marriage, and Barak Obama‘s ability to influence a democratic-controlled legislature is non-existent.  WOW.  Incredible!  They both suck.  You win.

OK.  Moms on welfare are having 20 babies to support their crack habit in the rent free 2 bedroom project penthouse, and the ones actually following welfare-to-workfare are ending up homeless or in jail because they lost their child care when they got a job and the police found their 12 year old breast feeding the newborn while the were at their second job today because rent was due last week.  FANTASTIC!  let’s just cut all of thos programs and let natural selection do it’s thing.  You win

So now we’re at Critics: 3  The rest of the world that I want to live in: 0

Let’s take away all the federal subsidies for PBS.  Goodbye community forums for the nonprofit sector in Denver.  Goodbye Ice Cream socials on the 75th 90+ degree day in Cheeseman Park this summer.  Sure, there’s some other group with extra money lying around that will pick up the slack. It will be one less station I have to skip over when I’m surfing my cable guide too…

Let’s forget the fact that one of the perks we get with Barak Obama is Michelle:  the most loved first lady since Jackie O, and the most effective since maybe even Elanor Roosevelt.  Not to mention, isn’t she kind of like a Hillary, just without all of the fear of lesbianism and misogyny that has been thrown at our Secretary of State for over 20 years now, and no one will argue that she works her as off for all of us, despite the fact that everyone apparently can’t stand her?  She must be doing something right when  her boss admits on many an occasion that she works harder than he does, and she’s good at it…

And let’s stop supporting the welfare abusers.  Come to think of it, I don’t have kids, so why should I pay property tax to support our horrendous public schools?  Those kids will learn a lot more from having an extra 40 hours of unstructured and unsupervised activity creating graffiti on my front porch than they could ever learn in a civics class…oh wait didn’t we stop teaching that in public school?  That’s right, why teach the kids about how thee government works?  They’re just going to vote for the guy who bitches loudest and most often!!  THAT must be why Obama’s community organizing experience got him the presidency…

I like the fact that kids go to school.  Our educational system as a whole could be a lot better, but I have some theories from my own teaching experience as to what sucks, and it’s NOT the people in front of he classroom.  I can’t say that it’s THE reason I know how to spell, but I will always remember Cookie Monster‘s favorite song.  Because of the work I do I am well aware of the many ills of our political and social support systems, but I also know that there is a whole lot more good that comes out of those things that we never bother to say thank you for.

I founded a nonprofit that uses our action statement as our mission and driving force “empowering individuals and communities, redefining philanthropy”.  More often than not, I get a reaction of disbelief when people hear that out loud.  I’m going to redefine philanthropy?  So it probably comes as no suprise that I have gotten many a giggle when I start to explain that this action statement comes from a belief that i state as follows:

all people, if given the opportunity, will make the choice to do the right thing

Think about it.  How often do we state explicitly something like “you can make a real difference by volunteering at an animal shelter one hour a week”, or “your five dollar donation will buy a volunteer dinner so that they can lead tonight’s field trip to the aquarium”, or “thank you for being an involved parent and making sure that your children get the support they need at home to do well in school”?  More often than not, and I admit my own guilt in this, we scoff at Alyssa Milano asking me to give 50 cents a day to save a child’s life in her UNICEF commercial?  I know for a fact that her service to UNICEF is a lot more than her 30 second spot, and has cost her thousands of dollars that she has NEVER asked or been offered alternative compensation for.

Maybe if we too a moment out of our day, and choose to make one less criticism or complaint, hell let’s go for the big score and even replace that negative statement with something GOOD about what we wanted to criticize, might we actually learn to appreciate that there is something out there worth our appreciation?  Maybe if, instead or telling our kids to “make good choices”, and informed them of what those good choices actually were once in a while, maybe those would be the choices they make instead of doing what we told them exactly NOT to do?

Maybe if we started creating more opportunities for good things to happen, is it actually possible that good things just might become our reality?

Why Karma Never Needs Help

This summer has not been an easy one, but nonetheless it is one that I am ever thankful for, and the results of it are anything but extraordinary:  despite all of the bad, much has now come full circle again.  I feel almost complete, but a hell of a lot more so than I did before it all began.  I got rid of a lot of the bad things in my life this summer:  people that were dragging me down and holding me back, vices that were making it impossible for me to feel like anything but a hypocrite and a joke to myself, and attitudes that were making it impossible for me to envision, let alone achieve the things that I wanted for myself.  I have stared to put back into my life the things that really matter to me:  I researched apartments for myself last week; I visited a skating rink and am looking for a place to get my blades sharpened; I went to Church for the first time in a LONG ass time.

There have been some really hard days, but there have been some incredible people who have helped me through them, and I will never be able to fully repay the efforts of these individuals to come close to all of the good that has come to me in literally just the last 24 hours.  Aspire, my dream and my labor of love, will launch it’s first major philanthropic campaign in November with a huge event.  We have a venue, we have supporters, we have a vision, and we have an incredible concept for not only the launch party of the Fairygodmother Project, but for the launch party as well.  Today, after over three years of being unemployed, I was made an offer for a job working with the State, and working back in one of my most comfortable elements.  This job will not only allow me to support myself, but I know it will keep me energized, and will allow and ignite a fire to continue my work with Aspire.  Tonight, I was recognized as one of the 25 most influential young business professionals in Colorado:  an honor which I am overwhelmed and astonished to have such esteemed company.  At the event, I also received a cabled package worth over $2000 that will allow me, along with the new job, to get a new place that I truly WANT, rather than one that I can just afford.  I also got a text that one such place, originally out of my price range (but not anymore), has just come available and I could move in as early as October 1.

I have said it before, I will say it again, and I hope that those who hear it will keep believing:  KARMA NEVER NEEDS HELP.  I know a lot of people who have had their own difficulties over this past spring and summer, and I have continued to say to them that we are good people; as long as we stick together, good things will happen for us, because we are good people and we deserve them.  It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so right about something, and just as long since I have felt so good about so many things.

For those who are starting to turn the corner, keep going.  We all need to stick together to maintain this momentum.  To those who are still struggling, I am sending my energy your way.  I want to stick with all of you because 1)  KARMA NEVER NEEDS HELP, and 2) WE ARE ALL GOOD PEOPLE, AND WE ALL NEED TO STICK TOGETHER:  STICKING TOGETHER, GOOD THINGS WILL HAPEN FOR US BECAUSE WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE AND WE DESERVE IT.

Enough of me on my soapbox for tonight.

Whistle While You Work

Spent almost the entire day it seems, getting work done today.  I kind of missed being able to spread out my paperwork on the couch where I could see everything in front of me.  Aside from that, there’s not many better ways I can think of to they and make something positive happen right now after what has happened in the last few days.  Still haven’t put together a complete plan of attack, but at least for now, it looks like there are a number of options that may allow me to get through this and really be able to concentrate on what’s important:  doing the healing I needed to do before I ever met Bryan, take care of the healing that needs to be done now that I have him out of my life, and moving forward with a much better head on my shoulders now that I know I really wasn’t crazy when I thought some of the things I did all this time that he and Rob were teaming up against me to make me feel unwelcome and unsafe in my own home.  The hardest part for me right now is trying to figure out  how I let such a monster in my life so soon after I had just gotten away from one three and a half years ago, and what made me want to believe so badly that this wasn’t really who he is.  For as much as I know I was somewhat stuck here, with a lease in my name, and still no job to pay a wage that would keep me above ground, it saddens me that what kept the two of them here was the cheap rent and the entertainment value I provided for the games they were so cruel in playing.  In as much as I was hurting, though, I have been surrounded by some incredible friends who have been insistent in carrying this load with me until I am where I need to be.  And many of them are going through their own major struggles right now.    I keep coming back to this:  the friends that I am connecting with right now and that are giving me so much more that I even at times feel comfortable in accepting, are all here for me for a reason, and while I may not have the  financial resources to offer back to them, I hope I am giving them something that will continue to allow me to be among them.  We are the good people, and we may be struggling right now, but we are all doing it together, and it is the strength of that togetherness that is going to get us all through this very rough patch, and is going to keep us together to celebrate the good things that we will be ready for in our future.

So nice to have a real weekend…almost

Volunteered for the Mile High Mrder Mystery Race yesterday and had a lot of fun.  All the different stations seemed to have different drinking games, so didn’t feel bad that people were playing It Gets Dicey at ours.  The two best things about the day were that my station partner was Jami Duffy, the Executive Director for the Flobots, who do a lot of philanthropic work.  We got to talk for the better part of the day between race participants, and she gave me some really great feedback and advice.  They also had a leadership training program that they don’t use any  more and sounds a lot more technical and skill based than the curriculum I am putting together.  It sounds like, among other things, she is wiling to share her curriculum and materials with me as I am developing my curriculum!  The other part was that we were at they really cool bar called Prohibition, and where I will definitely go back to.

Today I am off in a little bit to meet with the Artistic Director of And Toto too Theatre Company, Susan Lyles, to get some paperwork from her that I want to have cleaned up before the next Board of Directors Meeting.  I serve as their Vice President, and have loved every minute of it so far.  It’s really nice to be working with a group where I was a total outsider, but that has welcomed me so well.

Tonight is confrontation night with Bryan.  Won’t go into the long sordid details, but needless to say, we blew up at each other on his way to work, which gives me a pretty clear indication that he has decided he no longer wants to be in this relationship:  a sentiment that I am pretty sure he felt several weeks ago, and which he has refused to resound in anything other than refusal when I ask  hm to start acting like he wants to be here.  More recently, he has even just ignored me  unless it is to criticize me, give me some sort of order, or create an uncomfortable situation for me.  I have been operating for the last week like I am single, even though I still have an offer on the table for him to stem up to my dam ends, which have now become itemized in a written letter after he walked out on a conversation with me last week.  I am also starting to look for a new place, for a variety of reasons, but eedless to say, whether Bryan comes with me oct not is not a factor I am currently considering in my search.

Tomorrow will be back to full time work all day long, ut I think  am going to surprise an old friend and go to a pot luck event she is hosting.  It has been really good to have a social weekend again.  I haven’t had one in a long time, and although my back steel feels awful, I feel a lot better.