Killing Me Softly (and slowly)

I just really want to know when this descent will end…

I have (had…I’m still not sure which) a boyfriend that continues to plague my mind with thoughts of how good we are when things are (were) good…and how bad they are right now…who continues to refuse to face me father our last regiment…

I still have job prospects that are minimal at best, and that only seem to get worse when passwords to major job hunting sites continue to not work or let me in to those sites to try and make any progress…

I am afraid to look at my checking account balance since I have no idea what it is and if there is enough money to cover the rent…

My electricity got turned off this morning, and it seems that may have triggered the entire building going off in the process…

I am supposed to have my apartment inspected today, and there is now no way to vacuum the carpets or do the laundry since the power to the building has gone out…

Mother’s Day is coming…but I don’t know which Sunday it is…

And I cancelled my credit card the other day to try and prevent the car payment for the car I no longer own from going through…

And since I didn’t check my bank account it may have gone through anyway…

This feeling in the pit of my stomach, which I assume may be due to the panic attacks I keep having, just won’t seem to go away…

But I have my life, since I woke up this morning…

And I have my health, which as one can imagine is hanging on a somewhat slippery slope…

And I just love feeling like I am responsible for all of this…

And that I have failed so miserably…

And that I deserve this…

Misery…

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